Holy balls this isn’t going to be easy

Me screaming “THIS WAS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED” into the void would be a massive understatement and a complete waste of time. My anxiety is snorting in the corner at my wide-eyed ‘Holy shit what the fuck have I gotten into” expression that’s been glued to my face for the past 3 hours.

My god this site is more complicated than I had anticipated. I thought it would be one of those “write, post, done!” kind of things. But I was just reminded by an acquaintance that people aren’t just going to go read a boring site that’s plain with text. Dear hairy GOD trying to customize any site is like chewing off my nails and being forced to dunk them in lemon juice every 7 seconds, I HATE IT. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing, asking for help is NOT an option (my anxiety laughed at the suggestion, “Then people who know you will read it,” FUCK! I hadn’t thought about that….. [not that I’m ashamed by what I’m posting, I just can’t deal with people that I know reading about my anxiety, does that sound fucked up? {My anxiety says, “Yes, BTW using parentheses-within-parentheses is total overkill, and you just did it three times.” FUCK ME}]).

Right so after gritting my teeth through the painful process of making my blog look somewhat simple and elegant to look at (AKA I added background color), I realized that I can follow blogs! YAY MAKING VOID SHOUTING FRIENDS!

I gave up two minutes later because the only way to find other blogs to follow on wordpress is pretty much by already knowing their URLs……. I don’t know any blog URLs to follow and hadn’t the foggiest clue how to find any that I would like to follow (and I didn’t want to just follow random blogs for the sake of being a follower, I want to follow blogs that actually interest me).

My anxiety is draped across my armchair, blowing smoke rings in the air and humming, “This won’t work!” obnoxiously. I glared at the bitch and chose to block her out with some Charlie Puth as I bent over my keyboard and furiously worked through the settings of my blog to get the links to my twitter and instagram figured out. I took a break and went to get a glass of wine; I was mid-pour when I finally shut down my anxiety, “If I’m only doing this to gain followers and have people hang on every word I say, then I’m not doing this for the right reasons. I want to fucking write, so I’m just gonna fucking write.”

Welp…. Here we are know. I’ve caught up with my train of thought and now I’m typing this out while trying to figure out an eloquent way to end this post that makes me seem super enlightened and wise…… Hmmm….. All I got is a quote from my favorite Canadian author Stuart McLean, “There are sewers a plenty we have yet to dig!” Well there are words  a plenty I have yet to write, can’t build anything great without digging out the proper plumbing! That made sense, right? God I hope it did…. I shit I just fucked up my eloquent ending… Balls…

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One thought on “Holy balls this isn’t going to be easy”

  1. I feel your pain. The first, recent, blog I made simply vanished one day. No idea why. Was never able to get an answer from wordpress. To search for blogs that interest you. Add tags you would like to search into your reader. When you click on that tag recent posts that match will shoe up in your reader. Peruse and follow at will. Most people in my face to face life don’t know I blog either. Good luck on everything.

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