Aquaman? More like AquaBLAND (I think I’m clever)

Okay let me start this off by explaining that I really don’t know anything about Aquaman other than his lack of fashion sense and stupid sounding power. I’ve never read any comics about him nor made any effort to learn about him because I JUST DON’T CARE.

My hatred for Aquaman is purely on principle at this point. It began with my stating to my friends, “When I get married, I’m all about having the groom and groomsmen being dressed as their super hero of choice under their tuxes, except Aquaman because he looks dumb.”

Of course my friends decided to be dicks and started insisting that they will force my groom to dress as Aquaman, thus beginning my salty hatred for the seaman (You can’t see it but I’m grinning and cackling at my own shitty puns. My anxiety is rolling her eyes at me and calling me a “loser”).

Fast forward to today, I still don’t like Aquaman but I’m curiously interested in the impending film because Jason Momoa is FIIIIIIIIINE (gimme some more Momoa I always say [“Jesus god please stop with the shitty puns!!!!!” my anxiety is groaning, “You’re not as funny as you think!”])

I’m chatting on IM with one of my best friends, Doc, who brings up Aquaman and of course my reaction was as follows:

Me: AQUAMAN IS THE WORST AND I WILL NEVER LIKE HIM

EVEN IF JASON MOMOA LOOKS FINE AS HELL!

Doc: THANK YOU!

Me: HE IS LITERALLY THE WORST

 AQUAMAN NOT JASON MOMOA
JASON MOMOA IS A PRECIOUS CUPCAKE
THAT I’D LOVE TO DEVOUR
I JUST TOOK THIS TOO FAR
I CANT STOP
OH GOD
HAAAAAAALP
SEND ANYONE BUT AQUAMAN 
Doc: this is your next blog post
I’m not entirely sure what the point of this post was other than to highlight the fact that I have a completely irrational hatred for Aquaman but I am all about Jason Momoa (seriously though, I stood 5 feet away from him at Emerald City Comic Con and I began hyperventilating in line, which was to meet Will Wheaton instead of Jason [because I’m unworthy of being in the presence of a man who could easily crush me using only his butt cheeks {definitely not the worst way to die, if I’m being totally honest}]) also that I have incredibly magical conversations with friends about things that will likely never happen.
Viva la Momoa butt!!!!!!
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