My Mother told me to go ‘Decompose Myself’

I’m not lying, she actually told me that, and that wasn’t even the worst part of my day!

I came into work to find the Extended Day space flooded with children, apparently the space was being used for some science assembly. My headache kicked in during the chaotic hum as I sat and waited for my coworker, who showed up and appeared equally as enthused as I was (not even a little bit). By the time they place was cleared out and cleaned up, we only had 5 minutes to set up the tables and get snack ready before the kiddos show up.

Not 2 minutes after the bell rings and kids start showing up, a group of teachers come and begin setting up for Graduation on Monday (because graduating elementary school is oh so important….). They scootched us over in the space, taking away one of our tables in order to set up more chairs. My coworker was furious, stepping out to talk to our supervisor while I watched the kids *headdache intensifies* .

After a long struggle of trying not to flip off the condescending teachers who kept apologizing to us in a condescending “You’re beneath us, we do what we want” way, we moved the class to the library, whereupon we were instructed by an angry librarian that under no circumstances were we to touch the books as they were being inventoried (my god this is a long sentence….. Be prepared because this happens when I ramble a lot).

My coworker stepped out to deal with moving our stuff to the library while I dealt with angry whiney children who were bored. Once I fed the turkeys, I got a head count and settled down in a chair and held my head for dear life (headaches are really fun you guys…..).

My coworker had insisted that on Fridays they normally got out at 5:15, I had nodded with a stiff grin as I realized we were probably jinxed. We were, we left at 6:30.

After several minutes of screeching and hitting the steering wheel of my car (a surefire way to deal with frustrations of the workday), my headdache was gone and the worst of the day was over, I drove off into the sunset while thinking “HERE COMES THE WEEKEND!”

Oh yeah, you’re probably wondering about my mum telling me to go decompose. She called me on my way home from work and let me vent a bit about my long awful afternoon at work. She told me she loved me and to get home safe, “Enjoy your afternoon decomposing yourself!”

“… I’m sorry, did you just tell me to decompose myself?”

My mother was giggling on the other end, swearing she meant ‘decompressing’. I ‘suppose’ that could be what she meant, but I still think she hasn’t forgiven me for introducing myself as ‘The Dark Lord Chuckles the Silly Piggy’ at our church youth group when I was 14; so I wouldn’t put it past her to make a Freudian Slip… But at least we both got a good laugh out of it, “This is definitely going on my blog” I warned her. VOILA! Chuckles lives on!


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