In my dark periods, I always feel as though the world tends to forget about me. That I sort of become inconsequentially invisible, but bothersome when made known.
Even in my bliss of summer vacation I find myself anxiously depressed. All day today I couldn’t stop feeling clouded and tired, like the grey weather outside reflected what I felt within.
I tried getting work done on art projects I’d been putting off due to work, but only ended up overwhelming myself into a panic attack. Every person I spoked to today gave me the feeling that I was bothersome.
I know it is not likely that I was the problem, but my anxiety has been blowing smoke in my face nonstop, making it impossible to think with a clear head and mind. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive and my anxiety is projecting things that aren’t really there, but I can’t stop this feeling that I’m a burden.
I know that it is my anxiety and depression that are the burdens here, they’re my smoking, bitchy demons. I’m learning to live with them, but days like today when they reign over me always makes me feel drained from the inside out. I know I can climb out of it soon and hunt down my lost self-confidence, it just takes time and patience. Until then, I’m going to stay in bed listening to Florence + The Machine.