You can’t make someone be there for you when you’re feeling bad, sad, or anxious. You just can’t. Sure, you can manipulate a person into being scared when you purposefully give cues that you’re feeling off for the day; but you cannot make someone genuinely care or be there for you when you need them. Not unless you put in the effort to do the same for them.
That doesn’t mean they’ll ‘always’ be there for you. They may be busy or have something else to lend their attention to, because not everyone centers their attention around you. Not everyone spends their time trying to figure out what you’re feeling and how best to treat or take care of you when you struggle. It’s a lovely idea, but not realisic.
Ultimately? You have to be there for you. Boom. Simple enough. Except it’s not simple enough. Being there for yourself and comforting your problems or frustrations is incredibly frustrating and heart aching to do on your own. But you learn about yourself more.
I’m not suggesting that everyone should go about figuring everything out on their own. No no no no no. If you can find a friend or family member who you trust who can watch out for you and take care of you when you can’t, keep them in your life as long as possible. What I’m saying is that when you’re in those moments of darkness when the world seems cold and lonely and no one wants to deal with you, don’t expect someone to show up and sweep you out of the darkness and straight into the light. That’s not how life works.
For one thing, most of the time no one shows up at all to take care, not unless you leave specific note with obvious instructions to come after you. No, you have to allow yourself to let people in and talk to them about what is happening within your mind.
For another thing, getting shuttled from darkness straight into the light is blinding. It leaves some paralyzed and stuck in confused panic, as they do not know how to handle the sensory overload the light brings onto our crazy world. It’s too much to handle in one fell swoop.
Find someone who will take slow, easy steps with you towards the light. And if there is no one to go with you, take your time to inch forward towards it; let yourself be drawn to it and experience the struggles that come with transitioning from dark to light.
You cannot force people to along on these journeys with you, and begging and guilting them will only make the matter worse over time. If you can’t find a willing partner to take you along on your rough journey; fact of the matter is, you’re going to have to proceed on your own and figure out the obstacles by yourself without a companion to advise.
Everyone goes on the journey differently. I’ve been on it most of my life alone, I’ve tried to get people to come along with me. With great shame, I admit I tried to force and drag people along the journey with me. I think it was because I was so scared of being alone, not that it is any excuse for the way I treated those I manipulated and lied to.
If I’ve learned anything on this journey, it’s that it is one that can only be made when everyone is a willing companion to the leader of the journey. And if they are not willing, than the leader must brave it alone and brace themselves for whatever truths they may find.
That’s my thought anyway.