Writing on and off screen

I started a bullet journal. I know it’s a huge fad thing that’s happening right now, and I can see why. I’ve been using one for a little less than a month and already there are positive changes. I look forward to filling in my habit tracking charts every day, I have specific symbols assigned to meanings behind every note I make every day.

I can go on forever about my journal and new habits, and I’ll undoubtedly will in a future post. Right now I just feel like explaining why I feel I need it.

It’s simple really. There are a million things I want to shout into the void; 90% of those times I want to scream at the void in a temperamental tantrum form that isn’t unlike a small child. But I don’t, because unlike a lot of people on the internet, I recognize that the internet is not a private journal nor a therapist. Someone will read my words, and I don’t want them to be hurt if I don’t mean it.

I started this blog as a place to shout into the void, and I plan on continuing with this thing until I run out of weird crap to spew, but there are some things that are meant to be placed on the quiet pages of a moleskin notebook rather than posted carelessly where anyone can read it.

Privacy is important, crucial if you ask me. I always feel for celebrities who are clearly uncomfortable with the amount of attention that is drawn to their personal private lives. While I wouldn’t mind reaching ‘celebrity status’ some day, I wouldn’t ever want my private thoughts and feelings out for the world to scrutinize and pull apart. So I have a journal now. A place where I can place wild thoughts at a moment’s notice to leave to gestate while I determine whether it’s something I’m ready to share with the world or remain private.

My journal is my way of taking control of my smart mouth and my insane choices. Writing down a stupid thought or idea in my journal is healthier and safer than shouting it out to the world where someone might misinterpret my meaning and feel hurt.

So if it seems I’m not posting as often on here, it’s because I’m being more cautious and conscious of my words and my feelings. The last thing I want to do is unintentionally offend, dishearten, depress, trigger, or generally hurt someone by a thoughtless post I didn’t think twice about before clicking ‘publish’. I’m taking my time to digest the words I’m thinking of saying before rapidly dancing my fingers along the keyboard to make a hasty statement.

Have patience with me, as I am learning to have patience with myself. I’m forever appreciative of the small following I’ve gathered on here so far, I would never abandon something I know has the potential to be a great part of my life (or at the very least I’d try my damnedest to hold on).

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