So I accidentally spied on my neighbors getting it on and the dude totally stared at me.
I’m going to let that sink in while I explain the scenario that got me there. My boss woke me up early to ask me to cover for a coworker who was out sick, however I had been fighting off a cold all weekend and it’d finally gotten the better of me last night. I called out sick and fell restlessly back to sleep, only my cold medicine had worn off and my achy joints couldn’t get comfortable.
Not wanting to turn on any lamps, I opened the blinds in my bedroom window for the first time in months. I stayed in bed and watched Central Intelligence while napping, doing some sketches in my bullet journal and wondering whether I should finally get my own Prime account instead of mooching off my parents.
I woke up from a nap after watching Chelsea Does Drugs hot and sweaty, I climbed out of bed and stumbled to the window to open it. I stood there for a bit waking up, taking in the people meandering outside Starbucks and scanning the sky for clouds. My eye caught movement in one of the windows of the apartment building across from mine, and that’s what we had first contact.
My mouth shot open and I leaped out of sight against my dresser. I leaned forward slowly and peaked out around the ledge and BAM! Second contact! I leapt out of my bedroom saying “HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” And bounced angrily from my bedroom doorway wishing for the first time since 48 hours prior I hadn’t dyed my hair extreme hot pink. Because as of that moment, with my blinds open, my bedroom was in full view of the dude in the building across the street gyrating nakedly on top of another someone.
I kept bouncing even though I was sore all over, it was like I’d been zapped by an electrical current directly linked to the amount of sheer social terror of having made eye contact with another person doing the horizontal mambo. It took a good long while for me to slowly inch my way into my bedroom, not wanting to be seen and accused of being a peeping Tom, and I slowly inched my hand up to pull the blinds shut.
In a flash, I pulled the slats shut, accidentally catching a few on the window corner to make for a very smooth ending (and by ‘smooth’ I mean I yelled and cursed as the blinds swung wildly about, definitely making it look like a perverted voyeur was living here.
Now I’m sitting in bed trying to wipe the image of seeing all thrusters on full (if you know what I mean….)