Anxiety driven bad poetry

I’m an unfortunately sensitive person. I say ‘unfortunate’ because being able to soak up the emotions (especially negative ones) of the people around me tends to result in a lot of panic and meltdown. I made a small mistake today, a thoughtless one really, and my friend got mad at me. 

There wasn’t a fight or an argument, she calmly approached me and honestly explained her feelings to me. My shame and guilt felt considerable, as I could tell how upset I’d made her. Realizing a mistake has been made that has hurt someone I love, that’s a hard feeling to reconcile. I immediately get down on myself, today was no different. Despite us parting on a positive note, I still feel awful for having been so thoughtless and rude.

In fight to keep my anxiety from smoking around me, I did some short poems. Now, for those of you who follow me on twitter ( @JoyPearson ) know that I occasionally like to write quick 2 line poems, just to give myself a little poetic release of whatever emotions I have flowing through me in the moment. 

While at work feeling awful, I wrote down a series of short poems that I’d now like to share here. I’m no Dickinson, nor a Naruta; I am far from Shakespeare, but a bit closer to Jenny Lawson. Poetry is my way of writing through my feelings, so here’s how I was feeling today:

Bubble gurgle

Boil and spout

These ugly feelings

Want to burst out

Warm acidic pressure

Tight eyes, sealed lips

‘Tis a wonder they can’t tell

I’m about to fall to bits

A quick action

Thoughtless mistake

Killed good vibes

Quiet animosity overtakes

Shut my mouth

Cement shut my eyes

Not this stupid brain

Which tells my mind lies

Down to my stomach

Hurt poison spreads

 Shame and guilt bitter

 Held together by threads

Reach out, hold on

You’re not wounded dead

Just numb the panic

Now it’s all in your head


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