I frequently disagree with my brain, it leads to a lot of anxiety and moments of frustration. Here’s a common conversation we have on the daily:
Me: Today isn’t going well. I wish I had someone to talk to about it.
Brain: Why? No one cares.
Me: Sure they do!
Brain: They’re only being polite.
Me: Well it’s nice when they ask how I’m doing and listen. Oh look! A friend is online! I’m going to ask how they’re doing and see if they can talk.
Brain: Good luck with that.
*30 minutes later*
Brain: How did it go?
Me: Fine… They’re doing really well.
Brain: Did they ask how you were?
Me: See what? They’re probably busy!
Brain: Or they don’t care.
Me: Sometimes things spring up that need full attention. They’re probably focused on something important.
Brain: Yes they are, they’re focusing on not caring about you.
Me: I highly doubt that.
Brain: Then why didn’t they ask after you?
Me: I just said, they’re probably busy!
Brain: Busy ignoring you.
Me: Okay, you know what? I am a good person! I care about others and I like hearing about their days! Even if they don’t have time to ask about me, much less remember, at least they know that I care about them and I genuinely mean it when I ask “How are you?” So why don’t you shut up, and let me enjoy my friendships!
Brain: … They still don’t care.
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!
Anyone else have this argument with their brain? Logically, I know that my friends care and love me. But my brain likes to lie to me and make me feel unimportant. Having a mental illness makes it hard to trust in other people, but it makes it impossible to have trust in myself.
I spoke to my close friend, Sarah Fader (CEO of Stigma Fighters, follow her on twitter @thesarahfader) and she gave me some damn good advice, “Sometimes, you need to just ask for what you want and not give a fuck about the consequences.” Hell fucking yes. It’s not easy to do, but I’m making a conscious effort to voice my feelings and to ask for what I need from others.
Follow me on twitter @JoyPearson for more up-to-date arguments I have with my brain.