Word Generator Inspiration

Lately I’ve had a desperate need to write, but I suffer from a lack of inspiration these days. To give myself a kickstart, I used a random word generator online to give me a set of six words that I would then craft into a poem. The words I received were ‘extract’, ‘betrayal’, ‘contagious’, ‘messenger’, ‘union’, and ‘smart’. 

Using these six words, I came up with the following poem:

To extract thoughts and ideas from my mind

Seems so impossible, I take it as a sign.

A betrayal from my hand to my brain

A tenuous union that’s driving me insane.

If I were smart, I’d find hobbies more contagious

Things I can do that will be more advantageous

Someone get a reliable messenger for my hand and head

Before things remain silent, sadly left unsaid. 

For more poetic ridiculousness, follow me on twitter @JoyPearson

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Art Therapy at Studio S Fine Arts

I took a big step for myself this weekend. I could wax prose on the subject, but I’m just going to get to the point: I posted my original art up for sale in my etsy store Wandless Wanderers where I also sell greeting cards and bath bombs. I honestly don’t expect anyone to buy it, but I’ve been pushed and encouraged by so many people that I figured I may as well post them just to get them to stop nagging me!

So I did. Yesterday I was filled with near paralyzing anxiety, going back and forth between posting and not posting for a really long time. I took a long sojourn to the beach nearby to sit, read, and think it through. All my thoughts went to the same conclusion: If I want to be an artist, I need to attempt to sell my art.

So I posted my art up in my shop, and it sold within minutes! I’m just kidding, it hasn’t sold. But wouldn’t that be a great way to end the story? Or begin it? Who freakin knows, I’m getting existentially off topic. The point is, I got over my fears and anxiety and did it!

One victory down, I figured I needed to keep the momentum running. I’d been contemplating attending a free art class a friend of mine was running. I couldn’t find anyone to go with me, so I was erring on the side of “calling out sick”, but overall I knew not going would have been a dumb choice. I was correct in that assumption.

Just getting from my apartment to the class was a major anxiety struggle. Everyone is outside enjoying the sun, so the roads were crowded and I ended up straddling cross-walks with my car more than once (and nothing induces driving anxiety in me like having pedestrians walking around my car, glaring at me for not judging the distance better). So by the time I arrived and parked my car, I was pretty amped up and not feeling too sociable. But I’d already posted on twitter that I was facing my social anxiety, and I couldn’t back down!

Thankfully, it was a small class, and the atmosphere of the studio calmed me almost immediately as I began looking at the example pictures and started thinking of color combinations in my head.


To begin, I used an exacto-knife to cut out pages from a dictionary. I chose pages specifically with the words “Joy” “Wander” and “Mental” in them. It took me a long time to come up with this arrangement (I wanted to make sure I was covering words such as “menstruation” and “Menses”).


Next I used a stencil and traced flames over the pages, ideally to represent the creative fire I have burning in me (or just fire, it’s art, it can be whatever you want). Then I painted a layer of liquid masking within the flames so that water color wouldn’t seep through. 


As you can see, I did not use enough of the liquid masking, so the color bleeds into the flames a bit. But I’m honestly happy with how this turned out. The colors are vibrant and they make the disjointed flames dance a bit more. I also love that you can still read the dictionary definitions underneath so you get a sense of the kind of person I am from the words I chose.

So, to sum up: I shook off my anxiety and posted my artwork on Etsy, plus I faced my social anxiety and attended a class alone. So… pretty good weekend, in my honest opinion.
For more up-to-date notifications about my art, anxiety, depression, thoughts on a Jurassic Park/Downton Abbey crossover, or even bad jokes, follow me on twitter @JoyPearson

Cloudy Joy

I had a realization last night. I wish I could go into detail and lead you all up to this beautiful moment, because it really changed my life, but the lead up was personal and intimate and I’m not ready to share that with the world. Here is what I figured out:

My life is a cloud.

Everyday, I am different; I experience difference in any/all aspects of my life. I rarely plan nor do things that I expect actually happen all that often.

There are days where I’m scattered about and stretched out long and wide across the sky; my mind and body go to many places seemingly all at once.

The next day I can be overcast; I’m mellow and chill with no problems relaxing inside with a good book under my reading lamp.

Dark and Stormy days happen; lets be real, who doesn’t have these? They’re frustrating, suffocating, anxiety-ridden periods that make us human.

Some days the clouds slowly glide across the sky; moving along at their own happy pace, happy to let things happen as they are meant to.

Others they change shape; one moment it’s an elephant, then it shifts into a hippo with a jumprope (true story).

Then there are blue skies with thin cotton clouds in the distance; who doesn’t love blue skies? No matter the temperature, a blue sky makes me smile and breathe easy.

Not everyones life is a cloud though. Some peoples lives are maps, they’ve planned all aspects up until their burial plot. Some are prisons, born into unfortunate circumstances they never asked for but are forced to make do with. Some are rainbows, they’re magically picture perfect and you can’t help but wonder what their murder weapon of choice is (my best guess is an icicle, if they’re thorough there will be no traceable evidence [even I am concerned by the fact that I have thought that through, you’re not the only ones]).

My life is a cloud. It’s always gonna be a bit hazy in one way or another, but I couldn’t be happier for the uniqueness of each and every day I get to experience in my life (I’m not lying or pretending to be profound, I started a bullet journal 4 months ago and every single day is different!). I can’t wait for more cloudy days.

For more odd profound/stupid/stoner thoughts follow me on twitter @JoyPearson

 

#ThxBirthControl

I graduated high school at 18, full of scholarships and excitement for the next part of my life. I went to the University of Puget Sound and graduated in 2014 with a Bachelor’s of Fine Arts degree in theater. I took several psychology courses post-grad, leading me to my current job working for a school district co-running the extended day program at an Elementary school. I have many hobbies that include any form of art, playing my ukulele, writing about mental health on my blog, walking through the Juanita Wetlands while counting bird calls, collecting comics, and watching/rewatching movies. I have a wonderful apartment that has my touch on every square foot, I keep beautiful plants named Herman and Leonard on my window sill next to my stack of books I plan to read. All this to say, #ThxBirthControl for allowing me to decide when and where I am prepared to start a family. Please donate to Planned Parenthood, who deserve a huge shoutout for providing birth control to women for decades.

Wandering Fake Stars

 

I can’t be myself when I travel. It’s a matter of fact. I don’t know how to get comfortable in a strange foreign place the way I do when I am home in my personal domain where I know everything inside out and out. I become self-conscious of everything unknown to me, which is just about everything depending on the location of travel.

I’m fortunate this week. Wednesday I traveled out to Newbury Port for the second time; an area my boyfriend is from that I’m somewhat familiar with but more comfortable being in. This time I feel more confident and comfortable in my surroundings, though only by a few inches.

Tonight I drank a bit more wine than normal, using the drink to dull my nerves and anxiety as my guy’s siblings arrived to stay for a few days. It’s not that they’re awful people, it’s that I myself feel I’m out of place on the far outer circle of here. Not uncommon given my circumstances, but anxiety inducing none-the-less.

After excusing myself upstairs for the evening, I found myself in my boyfriend’s childhood bedroom for one of the rare long moments alone I’ve had recently. His room is beautiful; the ceiling is painted in a whimsical space design, using blue and cerulean colors for the background and a dazzling combonation of browns, oranges, and yellows to create the planets of our solar system. It’s dazzling to stare up at in the middle of the day.

It was night when I came up into the room, and no one was around. After changing into my pajamas, I decided to explore the loft. That’s right, my guy’s bedroom has a ladder than leads up to a loft. I remember when I first saw the loft over a year ago during a Skype session during the early days of our dating, when we hadn’t declared ourselves as a serious couple or even knowing we were in the middle of falling in love. I remember the video when I saw his room and I went, “Oh my god WHAT IS THAT?” When I saw the hand railing ascended 10 feet above the bedroom floor. “That’s the loft,” Alex answered casually, but I was completely fascinated. Only in princess stories and tales of medieval castle designs had I heard of ‘lofts’ within rooms, I’d never seen one for myself. I vaguely explored it upon my first visit to his home last summer, but only tonight did I learn how to appreciate it.

All alone in my undergarments (and slightly drunk), I scaled the ladder and crawled tentatively onto the loft. It’s softly carpeted, a few books comfortably lined up against the wall my boyfriend had stored there for time being. There’s a small door, big enough to crawl through that leads into his brother’s bedroom, who has another door that lead’s into his sister’s room, like a series of passages connecting rooms (much like the ones I’d always read in adventure books and died to see in real life).

Hearing no one approaching, I stood up to my full height, surprised to find that I couldn’t head-butt the ceiling with my 5 foot 9 1/2 inch height. I took a step and gripped the handrail and looked down upon the floor plan for the bedroom, which was fairly standard (Bed, desk, bookcase, couple of chairs), and then I looked up.

I recognize that the ceiling of this room is not an accurate representation of the galaxy, but I couldn’t help but be mystified as I slowly reached up and let my finger tips graze the celestial ceiling above me. It was beautiful. I’m about 80% certain it was the alcohol warping my mind, but I felt like I was high enough to explore the galaxy. I imagine this comes from my utter obsession with Guardians of the Galaxy and all other space epics, but I smiled like a true wanderer while I stood on that loft looking out at the painted stars.

I felt a bit like myself when I was up there. A wanderer full of curiosity and wonder as I explore unknown places on my own for the first time with the aid of others. It gave me a sigh of relief to know that that piece of myself remains untouched by the anxieties of life. I can only wish now that I could see the ceiling, the stars and planets, at night as I drift off to sleep. Though I know that if I could, I’d never want to close my eyes again. Which would turn into a tragedy of it’s own.

It’s hard to retain or find yourself when you’re displaced from your natural environment. Without my family near me, I feel exposed and vulnerable to the world in ways many would not understand. But if I can find moments of wonder in my searching and wandering, I find myself feeling stronger and more steady within myself, no matter where I am in that moment.

I am Art(ist)

“Some people are artists. Some, themselves, are art.”

This statement has had me lost for the last few days. I follow a page on FB called Word Porn, which often posts quotes and thought provoking statements. This quote was posted a couple days, and it’s twisted my mind into knots as of late.

I dream of being an artist. Of making a life out of just creating things that people can look at and engage with emotion. Be it theater, writing, or art pieces, it is my general goal to be an artist of some form (I can get super in-depth about everything being a form of art but I’m too lazy to do so).

With with my love and passion of make up, I feel confident in that I can turn myself into art. I blend a large variety of colored powders on my eyelids and paint bold shades on my lips to turn my appearance into something completely different. It makes me feel bold and eccentric, two things I feel no one should ever be afraid of displaying in abundance.

But then there are my dark periods, in which I find myself huddled in a ball in bed, immobile and deflated. In those moments I feel I am neither art nor artist. Rather than look into the darker meanings of that, I’m choosing to look at those periods as myself preparing to make the next great masterpiece. Whether I make the art or become it myself is always a toss-up, but something beautiful always seems to bloom big and loud.

Painted Vision of Bearded Dragons

I wake up most of my days wanting to write, but not every day do I have anything good to say. This morning I was struggling hard for ideas, so I turned to my friend, David, for help. The prompt he gave me was this:

For as long as you can remember you’ve worn eye glasses. Your parents always made sure you had them on and you formed the habit. One day you forget them and you realize you can see something no one else can.

Naturally my reply was of the smart ass variety, “I see that the world is, in fact, covered in fuzz.” But then I got to thinking about sic-fi ideas.

What if people who wore glasses did it as a means to rest their eyes and therefore have a higher intelligence because over use of eyes lowers your IQ? Suddenly it made sense to me that Donald Trump is an apish moron, he never wears glasses so his intelligence is all but gone!

Of course, David was thinking more along the lines of fantasy and horror, so I reigned in my smart ass jokes and really got to thinking about my world.

I’m incredibly fortunate to live in a beautiful community, which I’ve been taking advantage of by going for long walks. I’d like to say that I go on walks for contemplation and reflection, but really I’ve been doing FitBit challenges with my friends, Amy and Clara, trying to beat them.

Because it’s been sunny, I’ve been wearing only my sunglasses, which aren’t prescription (and I don’t like putting in Contact Lenses except for special events) so my vision is slightly blurred.

Nearly daily, I walk to the Juanita Wetlands. If I can ignore the sounds of cars in the distance, I almost feel like I’m in a completely different world. Without my glasses, everything has a fuzzy blur, which makes it hard to read signs or see exact details.

When I’m in the wetlands, everything looks like a painting by Monet painting. The light makes colors explode, making the butterflies stand out when crossing the scenery. When the wind blows, the leaves on trees look like sparkles; the lighter undersides catch the sunlight, and in my blurry vision is looks like the trees are sparkling.

While my vision is incredibly fuzzy, it makes it easier for me to detect movement in the wetlands. I believe that sharp vision makes people distracted by details, that they miss the bigger attractions. One of my favorite boardwalks in the wetlands leads out over the water, which is completely covered with lily pads. When I’ve brought people with me, they immediately start looking at the details of the pads in the waters and take pictures of the greenery. I always stand quietly and let my gaze rest on any movement; most of the time it’s just the wind moving plants, but 3 out of 5 times there’s a critter to be seen.

I’ve always had a deep abiding love of natural wildlife. I was fortunate to work as a volunteer zoo ambassador for a summer at Woodland Park Zoo, where I fostered a love of animals. The wetlands are always teeming with wildlife, my favorite game to play when I’m there is to listen and count how many different birds I can hear. At least once a week I am lucky to see ducks with ducklings, bullfrogs, painted turtles, herons, trout, and bald eagles. Once I was lucky and saw (what I believe was) a baby beaver!

People can boast about their great vision, but I think I got lucky with my blurs. I get to view nature with what I can only describe as natural painted vision. I can focus on movement to spy beautiful wildlife and I can enjoy the landscape.

I think David was expecting an epic short story about crazy creatures…. lets also say that I found baby dragons. Nah that’s to easy, baby bearded dragons! Not the lizards from the zoo but actual dragons with beards! But I can only see them without my glasses, which makes sense as to why everyone looks at me weirdly when they walk by me screaming at a bush, “BE CAREFUL, TIBERIUS! YOU’LL SET YOUR BEARD ON FIRE!”